In honor of the Olympic Games currently going on, I am publishing a post that was written about a year ago as an email to some friends. (I think that would be all three of you who check in on the blog every week.)
In any case, I hope you enjoy it.
"We were tipped off anonymously that there might be some steroid abuse. We will not know anything until are done questioning the suspect and tests have been conducted," an O'Fallon Police Department representative is quoted as saying. "At first we didn't think anything of the tip, just another whack job calling in during the full moon, you know? But then we did a little research and discovered that most Japanese bobtails are supposed to be between seven and nine pounds - not over fourteen."
This is not the first time Nubbin has come under suspicion for using steroids due to her larger size. In an interview with Hawaii's OC16 TV station (her previous state of residence), she addressed this issue.
"It would seem that everyone thinks I'm on drugs because of my size, but nothing could be further from the truth," she squeaked. "I am just naturally large. My ancestors came to this island from Japan well over a hundred and twenty generations ago. We are all this size."
When asked why her relatives back in Japan were of the smaller stature, she replied, "Well, that's probably because they don't eat as much Pohtagee [sic] sausage and rice as we do. I am just big-boned. My great-great grandfather was Samoan. It's just a luck of the genes."
Normally this sort of thing would not make headlines. However, due to the fact that the Beijing Olympics are currently underway, when a story like this concerns one of the athletes, every precaution is taken to ensure that there is no usage of illegal substances by anyone on the Olympic team.
Nubbin is still set to represent the Soverign Nation of Hawaii in the various track and field events - including the 50 yard dash, 100 yard relay, and the 50-yard hurdles. She was also on the gymnastics team, but failed to qualify for for the floor routine or balance beam.
When questioned about these allegations later this morning, her teammate and adopted sister, Laka Theresa Alicatta "Tux" von Pixie-Moose told reporters, "This is a load of crap, and I'm tired of you people on my lawn. Now get out of here before I bust out the hose!"
Below is a photo of what a Japanese bobtail is supposed to look like.
Before the hose was turned on local media, we were able to get a photo of the accused, having returned home from questioning.
Feel the wrath of Tux, fool! I am six pounds of fury!
"It would seem that everyone thinks I'm on drugs because of my size, but nothing could be further from the truth," she squeaked. "I am just naturally large. My ancestors came to this island from Japan well over a hundred and twenty generations ago. We are all this size."
When asked why her relatives back in Japan were of the smaller stature, she replied, "Well, that's probably because they don't eat as much Pohtagee [sic] sausage and rice as we do. I am just big-boned. My great-great grandfather was Samoan. It's just a luck of the genes."
Normally this sort of thing would not make headlines. However, due to the fact that the Beijing Olympics are currently underway, when a story like this concerns one of the athletes, every precaution is taken to ensure that there is no usage of illegal substances by anyone on the Olympic team.
Nubbin is still set to represent the Soverign Nation of Hawaii in the various track and field events - including the 50 yard dash, 100 yard relay, and the 50-yard hurdles. She was also on the gymnastics team, but failed to qualify for for the floor routine or balance beam.
When questioned about these allegations later this morning, her teammate and adopted sister, Laka Theresa Alicatta "Tux" von Pixie-Moose told reporters, "This is a load of crap, and I'm tired of you people on my lawn. Now get out of here before I bust out the hose!"
Below is a photo of what a Japanese bobtail is supposed to look like.
Here is a photo of Nubbin sitting next to Ms Pixie who is contemplating her next entry.
The size difference between the official Japanese Bobtail and Nubbin is undeniable.
Before the hose was turned on local media, we were able to get a photo of the accused, having returned home from questioning.
Nubbin tries to hide from reporters.
When asked for a statement, she squeaked, "No comment!" before rushing into the house and we were hit with water and what appeared to be brownies rolled into odd shapes and coated with grey sprinkles.
As local media fled the scene, Tux's voice could be heard yelling from an upstairs window, "GET OFF MY HOUSE!"
Feel the wrath of Tux, fool! I am six pounds of fury!This is not the first time the von Pixie-Moose sisters have been in the legal spotlight. In January this year, they were charged with destroying an Ewa Beach, Hawaii, family's Christmas tree. 
Nubbin has been picked up for numerous charges in the past, namely carrying more than 0.5 oz of catnip with intent to sell, resisting arrest, and failing to check in with her parole officer in her new state of residence.
Tux has also been charged with resisting arrest, throwing her cell phone at onlookers, and hissing/spitting at law enforcement officials, in addition attempting to take the family car without a valid driver's license or permission.
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